Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
