Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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