When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she peed on how many people?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
