did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
