I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
True college students do jello shots in the library
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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