Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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