he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
