i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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