i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
