the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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