I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
