you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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