u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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