I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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