Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
