Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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