she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
