During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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