I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
