Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
