Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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