The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
