ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
