ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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