grandma shit on top of the toilet
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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