He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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