I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
