I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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