I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
