3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
