Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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