Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
