I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
