Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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