I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
