Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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