I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
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I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.