youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.