Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself