so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
