You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I need to align my fucking chakras
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
