The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
