party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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