dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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