The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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