Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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