So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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