I hope mine doesn't look like that
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
