It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
