From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
