so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
