he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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