Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
