she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
