if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
