I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Randomize
