I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she woke up with a sticky ear
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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