The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
do nipples grow back?
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