Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
