Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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