my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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