her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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