ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
