My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
