pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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