White coat. Heels.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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