That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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