i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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