I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
