It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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