Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
