hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
