Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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