The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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