she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
