Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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