omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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