Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize