just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
